The Frenzy of Fyn Forbes

Hello my beloved,

Its been a hot minute since I’ve blogged, and I probably should be getting on that because alot of shit has gone down in my life and existence. So Im trying to do something that gives meaning to my life. Its as if I need to get back to my roots, to dig down and find what made me, what shaped me. Was it a defining moment? what path did I or didn’t I go down? Self awareness has become a prominent life fucker. Let me tell you. Im 23 and want sooo much more for myself. I remember a time when I was going places, doing the impossible and dreaming big. I wanted to write, blog, tweet, sing, dance, paint, love…I wanted to be a writier…to write truths how i see it, now the only typing I do is at my job. I know I have soo much to be thankful for in my life, but you only get one right? Why should you spend it with the why why why ifs ifs ifs and can’t we just suck it up and do it? Really, i mean is it so hard. Wake up and go, and do. I want to breathe again. I want to walk down an old dirt road, look at the sun, catch a wave, an eye, write something that will impact ONE life. Just one. Get a following, be a hero to my child, be the best version of myself, and im soo busy complaining why? Whats going to change? not me if I keep this shit up….I’m downward spiraling and I remember when I was the life of the party, had it all and took no prisoners. Now I look before I leap, and close my eyes when i fall…How did sooo much change in 5 years? Can I find her? Is she there still? Deep inside I know she is, she has to be, she’s that hollow ache in my soul. I hope she can be extracted, I feel its the only way i’ll truly find peace..Because afterall, isn’t that what we want at the end?